8 March 2001 Dear Mr. & Mrs. Brumm, I don't think we have met before, although in the church family it's very possible we've crossed paths somewhere, and I hope a stranger writing is not intrusive in a time that is very stressful. I pastor the Xxxxxxx congregation in Xxxxxxx and was included in a number of people who received copies of your emails describing the battle with cancer that Nancy is going through. I just felt compelled to offer a few words of encouragement because what you are going through hits close to home in my life. Every person's life is different, and outcomes vary widely and there is no way to forecast the future. Sometimes God allows nature to take its course, sometimes He miraculously alters the course, and sometimes I think He allows us to make the decisions that will affect the course. So the following account is in no way given to somehow imply or forecast what will happen! I learned long ago to not predict the outcome of health situations - no two are alike and I've seen many people live for years after everyone thought they would be gone. Rather, I just want to offer you some support for the trial you are going through. I know for sure that sometimes very well-meaning people can bring a lot of pressure on you, and sometimes it isn't as helpful as they may intend it to be. Your battle is deeply meaningful to me because in 1981 my mother died of cancer at age 48. She was a member of the church since 1963 and loved by many people. When they found the cancer during an operation to remove fibroid tumors, she was faced with several options for treatment. Radiation was out, it was inoperable, so (to the doctor) the only remaining option was chemo. The doctor pressed her hard to take the chemo treatment, but Mom (having had some suspicions that she might have cancer, had done her homework) decided after thinking it through to forego that treatment. The doctor pressed her further and finally gave up. Then he told her something remarkable. He said, "I have a duty under my physician's oath to encourage you to take the best treatment we know, and I've done that. It's your decision not to accept it." He paused for a moment, then said, "Now, just between you and me, if it was me I would do the same thing you are doing. Chemo may extend your time for a while, but it won't be good time - you will be sick and in pain. So you have a choice between quality or quantity, and you are choosing quality time." He actually admired her decision and made a commitment to her to help in any way he could. He was very gracious to the whole family, sending nurses to the house any time she needed, and coming over personally, especially when she was in pain. He even came to the funeral. Interestingly, he originally said she had three months to live, six at the outside. She lived 19 months, and most of that time was very good - she felt good and was able to do a lot of very special things. During the latter stages many members served her, staying up all night, and surrounding her with a lot of love. The morning she died at home he came to the house and said, "Love is the only thing that allowed her to live this long, and to live this good. Had we put her in the hospital she never could have had the same love and care of friends and family." Her love and faith deeply affected many people in return. To me, the lesson of the story about my Mom is not about the pros and cons of chemo. I have seen other people be treated by it and live for years after; just as I've seen the same result with people following other courses. The lesson is to go with your head and heart, and follow the decision you have made with confidence. You have undoubtedly poured out your heart to ask God's direction, and He'll answer. If Mom's experience is anything like yours, you will receive all sorts of advice and cures (both solicited and unsolicited). She got stuff in the mail from strangers that would claim to cure everything from flat feet and crossed eyes to cancer. (And then everyone wants to know, "Did you try what I told you about? Why not!" Pressure!) Mom and Dad also had to endure criticism from people, sometimes even from within the church, about the course they had chosen. Mom chose the course of treatment, Dad chose the course of total support of her decision. They knew deep inside that people wanted the best, and they too were distressed for her, but it was sometimes hard when others came across as critical rather than supportive. So when it happens, just remember that there are others out there who understand, who support, and who are offering up their prayers of support on your behalf. Most of all, we will be praying for your healing and recovery, and the emotional/spiritual strength to endure during the meantime. I hope this is of some little help. If there is anything I can do please do not hesitate to ask. Sincerely, in love and faith, C.K.